Brain Fog

Sometimes, I wonder about whether I’m lacking in an attribute that’s essential to survival, that is, awareness.

A lot of my life has gone by where I’ve done nothing more than take a cursory glance at the surroundings while time flies by, and the place that once was, no longer is. I cannot tell anymore whether this is simply the result of me not caring enough about the world or whether the issue is ingrained a bit more deeper in my mind, resulting from the countless hours of attempted multitasking between different applications on my phone, viewing disparate sources of content, while performing ordinary chores. (Not that I was ever good at multi-tasking either though), or maybe it’s just that I’ve grown used to the surroundings and the consequences that result from my actions to the point that I know what to do in the case that something does go wrong.

I can recall a few times where I was brought back into a state where I could coherently process my thoughts, but the state of distraction has unfortunately reached a stage where I’m relatively lucky if I can think. I fear that my observation skills, analytical capabilities, along with my reasoning has been stricken down in the same way. I wonder if there’s a way to restore these cognitive functions to hold value. In the case that I somehow magically bounce into the times when Neanderthals were being poached by the humans, I have a good feeling that I’d be on the wrong side of history.

However, while the distraction is severe, it’s not completely such that I cannot read or write a single thing, else this post would never come to fruition. I can complete my tasks and objectives during the periods where I zone in, however infrequent they may be. A combination of these zone-ins are what let me get stuff done. For instance, suppose that I had an assignment due tomorrow, I would most likely be staying up the entire night, not because the assignment takes that long to finish, but more so because out of the 8 hours of the night that I have to give myself, 4 of those are going to be hours of blatant distraction and autism. Physically concentrating on something for a prolonged period of time is a rare occurrence. However, when I do manage to get that done, I get stuff done as well. Unfortunately, it’s not very sustainable, where does the zone start, and where does it end?

I guess we’ll never know.