Cthulu
I have an exam in two hours. The only thing I did over the weekend was to procrastinate, play Hades on the switch, watch a lacrosse game and hold a study session for xAI where we just discussed the concepts that he might ask. I was the one heading the discussion and addressed all the different variants of how each explainability technique worked. However, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to recall this during the exam. I think I’m prepared but at the same time, I’m never prepared for the test. I spent a long time attempting to instill all the different concepts into my head. I think I spent the entire weekend subconsciously prepping for it, but I did procrastinate quite a bit too.
I have another test tomorrow but I’m not too worried about that one. It’s chill.
I’ve been talking to people. Surprisingly, multiple people have told me that whatever I’ve spoken to them about has impacted them in one way or another.
- AVC mentioned that my document about loneliness made him realise what he was missing too.
- MM mentions that what I’ve taught him has opened his eyes to what he doesn’t know.
It reminds of eldritch horrors. People don’t go insane because of marginally hearing about the eldritch horrors. It’s when they receive a glimpse of how much they don’t know and then are forced back into the realm of incomprehension. It’s in knowing how much you don’t know that drives people insane. A hidden layer underneath the shallow surface that you were always familiar with. The veil that you happened to take a glimpse behind, before it vanished from reality entirely. The elevator scene from The Truman Show.
It’s always when you find another realm that you don’t understand that things trip you up, wring you around and throw your mind into a state of chaos. I feel like that with machine learning. I feel like that with business. I feel like that with a lot of things. The worst part is that I’m not one that’s solving any of it.
I’m the author’s grandfather who keeps waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night to fervently document his ephemeral understanding before it fades away. The one who used to be known for his acumen but now is paralyzed by anxiety on how to use his incomplete understanding. To find people that he can relate to whilst trying to seek out the truth. But he’s afraid of it all at the same time.